Sir Straight Prokofiev

Case: The defendant is accused of inexpressive music

Defendant: Sergei Prokofiev

Prosecutor: sap-drentched romantics

Grand Jury's result: bullshit


I recall a couple incidents during my time at conservatory of some undergrad pianists judging how Prokofiev's music is very cold and says nothing; his melodies are jagged and moves around a lot, yet says nothing from the heart.

Seriously......wtf.

Is the Romantic period still permeating with its mawkish perfume? Do people honestly desire long-arched melodies that last for 50 measures simply to know that Brahms was desperate for Clara? I am not against post-romantics or outdated romantics, but just because you are religiously Romantic does not mean you can push your beliefs on other people, saying that you are right. Unless you believe in the Bible, lol.

But come on, have you heard Visions Fugitives? It opens with this beautiful melody that is perfectly shaped. The chords underneath carries it so well to with its 7th chords. Or in his Piano Concertos. THEY HAVE DAMN GOOD MELODIES that no stoic would be able to write, if in fact he is the emotionally impotent that he is accused of being. Better than some of the composers that write "beautiful" music when all it is are treacle chords saturated with saccharine accompanying an arpeggio.

Now this may be a small minority of musicians and musicologists (yes i separated them) that believe in this. And we know that the human cognition tends to see the negative out-weighing the positive. So we hear one negative thing and it spreads unpleasantly like strep throat at an opera company. How many composers can you say has a distinct voice while still having such solid structure, strong harmonic background and can actually write a melody that makes sense and is complete in itself?

I think people are mistaken between their own personal preference and what is good. If I were to say I hate Bach's music, would that mean that he's any less of a composer? Or if an entire country were to think so? Nein! Or just because you don't like George W. Bush, doesn't mean he sucks...............oh wait! lol

So if you don't like Prokofiev's music, fair enough. But to say that his music is cold!? You people are the same ones that would say Rachmaninoff's music sooooo blah blah gorgeous blaaah blah sappy blah brahms blah blah, and he was probably one of the coldest people ever. At least Prokofiev had a family, and his grandson, Gabriel Prokofiev, is making it as a very progressive composer now. Where are you, Rachy!? ANyways, I'm going off now. I'm outy.

Stravinsky's "pass" time

On a (Slighty) More Serious Note:

This is awesome. Dudley Moore parodies Beethoven's piano sonatas in this brilliant video. Using Beethoven's trademark style, he incorporates the well known marching theme from "Bridge on the River Kwai" as the main theme for this piece. Not only is it hilarious, it's actually very well done. As an added bonus at the end, he also parodies the incredibly overblown and never-ending finales that were so popular in the Romantic era.

I have a new favorite singer...

...and soon you will too!

What is music?

In music, we are still a part of the end-trails of this postmodern skid-mark called "everything is music". This seems to be the answer that seems to suit many people to the question "What is music?". Rejection of the past, turning back on ancestors, finding ourselves by ourselves. My question is how can you find out who you are unless you go back to your roots? What's the common but commendable action many orphans take? To find out who their real parents are. Yet people seem to have lost faith in their authority figures, began to question authority, and chose to live however they feel because they have nowhere to fall back on. This leading to rebellious movements against authority of any sort: jazz, rock, 60's, punk rock, heavy metal, black metal, etc. Not all rebellion is bad. There were many good things that happened such as women's rights and race equality. But the rest of it, why all of a sudden in the 20th century classical music began sounding extremely dissonant, and some the complete dismissal of pitches, rhythm and form? (not to mention the mixes of music cultures)

It's to the point where it has become un-PC to label something as "not music", heck, even "bad music". We have these opposite extremes still co-existing today: people who accept a butterfly on stage as music, and people that mathematically calculate their music so it's technically precise. Now there are those ignorant twits that have no artistic perception that say "rap isn't music, it's crap" or "rock is bad music". Sure, they don't have the complexities and refinement as classical or jazz, but to go as far as it's not music?.............hmmmm.........


One group in the world of music seems (at least from my perspective) to be the only ones without all this legalistic drama: folk musicians. They will still tell you if you sound bad, but they don't have an issue with what music should be because they simply play what sounds good to them. They don't have to try and impress their superiors or society.........except some would by their own playing,
They're more concerned about expression, fun, playing what sounds good. If they did have some hick trying to pull off a John Cage, they would not call him "experimental" or "progressive", they would call him "the village idiot". Just play what sounds good, idiot. It's not that difficult. Sure, it's always important for art to have a progressive direction, but if you put all your focus on one dimension on something multi-dimensional, your art will sound one-dimensional. They have those composers that's all about harmony, but no rhythm; some of the most boring shit I've ever heard. Brahms completely knows what I'm talking about. If I hear any more dense harmony like that I'm going to get a tummy ache, jk, lolz. Johannes knows I'm just playing. I meant the Narada series composers.

So with that in mind the common defense is "That's not what his/her piece is about." So this person's all about ravenous rhythm while using experimental techniques. GREAT! No no really that's awesome because you just totally ignored, like, the other 4 attributes of music. Oh, it doesn't interest you? Well that's why your music isn't interesting. For reals though, that defense can work but when you're writing within a certain style you have to consider the attributes that define that style. So far all folk music I heard is comprised with all of the main elements of music, and they just used their ears, not some stencil or a formula.


It's amazing how some docked-up picture of John Cage started this soapbox rant. He has been a controversial figure for the past 50 years since his first "coming out". <------- double meaning, nice
With all this to say, I think John Cage is a very important figure in music history. I see him as a very creative, individual-minded artist. He has composed using pitches and traditional forms and has composed very influential pieces, but I still will consider him an artist over being a composer. But that is my "opinion".

Music is:

Here is a quote just for the heck of it:

"Music is the poetry of the air."

~Richter


That was a stupid hippy-ass thing to say.
There goes your reputation, Rick.

Imagine, if you will...

...that you're at a nice restaurant. Suddenly, you have a painful urge. So you go to the restroom and try as hard as you can to take a big dump before your meal. Unfortunately, it's stuck. As the pain increases, you realize that you'll need the utmost of concentration for this one. However, blasting through the restrooms' speakers at top volume is this:

Gay Composers

Just a list of famous composers who are gay. Cuz gay = happy = lol!

A Mark Adamo Thomas Adès Ruth Anderson B Samuel Barber Jean Barraqué Eve Beglarian Leonard Bernstein Chester Biscardi Marc Blitzstein Paul Bowles Benjamin Britten Sylvano Bussotti C John Cage Wendy Carlos Aaron Copland John Corigliano Noël Coward Henry Cowell Conrad Cummings D Peter Maxwell Davies David Del Tredici David Diamond (composer) Ani DiFranco

E Danielle Egnew F Gareth Farr G Marla Glen Charles Griffes H Reynaldo Hahn Lou Harrison Robert Helps Hans Werner Henze Jennifer Higdon Lee Hoiby Jerry Hunt I Norman Iceberg J Elton John L Michael John LaChiusa Annea Lockwood Jean-Baptiste Lully M Jonny McGovern Andy Martin (musician) Colin McPhee Gian Carlo Menotti Dimitris Mitropoulos Meredith Monk Zeki Müren N Ivor Novello

O Pauline Oliveros P Thomas Pasatieri Dominique Phinot Daniel Pinkham Cole Porter Francis Poulenc Q Roger Quilter R Ned Rorem S Marc Shaiman Ethel Smyth Stephen Sondheim Billy Strayhorn Conrad Susa Karol Szymanowski T Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky Virgil Thomson Michael Tilson Thomas Michael Tippett V Claude Vivier W Ben Weber Scott Wittman Charles Wuorinen

They all were, lolz!

For Your Consideration...

We're "up" and running.

Shostybitch here.

Freddy Shopping and I welcome you to our LOLCLASSICAL blog. We are here to bring our 21st century minds a new perspective towards/against the classical music realm that has been drowned by the dictatorship of prudes. Here you will find a variety of posts and pictures that you will either not find funny, not understand or be offended by our outlandishly outspoken minds (for ex: Brahms = pussy). We may be irrational, yes, but we are here to simply laugh at those of you that lack in the "sense of humor" department. Either that, what you may think is funny is wrong. That's right. Your sense of humor sucks. And if you think this is just stupid, then you're stupid.

(Although Freddy Shopping doesn't agree with my last sentiment towards Brahms, he too can sit on a seatless bicycle along with most of you.)

I hope that you all will accept our site with the utmost levity.

aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!